Where to Start?

My anxiety shows up the minute I start to put myself back in school mode.

I am overwhelmed with everything that needs to be done in the few days I have before everyone else demands my time and attention.  I have grandiose ideas from my summer of reading and reflecting, and I want to implement them all now.  Right now.

A hint of guilt and regret creeps in as I am ashamed I haven't done more this summer to prepare and avoid this feeling.  But that is quickly swept away with memories of chasing the cutest toddler ever.  We filled our days with swim lessons, music classes, story times, park play dates, zoo trips.  It's much easier to forgive this guilt now than it was five years ago.

Right now, though, I can't even make a list.  I have no idea what list to make.  Lesson plans to create, classroom to organize, new grading practices to adapt, new curriculum to review, copies to run, websites to set up, letters to write, syllabus to update.  Where do I even start? Writing this down seems like a good place.

This feeling is all too familiar.  I can almost predict it.  Every year.  You'd think I'd learn by now how to get it together before August.  The most reassuring thing is that I have been there before and survived, prevailed even.

Until I make the decision of where to start, I can always go back to school shopping.  Hey, that counts, right?

A Letter to my Students during Tragic Times

Dear Students,

I am so sorry.  I am sorry this hit so close to home for you.  I am sorry this is now part of your educational experience.  I am sorry I don't know what to say.  I am sorry I can't fix it.

There is a feeling that has haunted me all day because of this morning's events.  It's an uneasiness I can't explain.  It's a knowing that nothing will ever be the same in your world.  It's a protective reaction to keep you all safe and assure you there is still good in the world.

Every single one of the emotions and feelings you have right now is valid.  Each one deserves to be recognized and acknowledged.

I ask one thing: please don't hate.

To hate is an easy way out, and you are better than that.  I know the gut reaction.  I know the instinct.  But it doesn't do anyone any good to add to the hate. We've had enough.  Please find a way to rise above like the amazing people you are.

"When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me 'Look for the helpers.  You will always find people who are helping.'" - Mister Rogers

I lean on Mister Rogers during times like these.  Sadly, it has come up too often in my life.  This perspective reassures me and strengthens my resolve.  I can't imagine what your future will hold.  You always have choices in times like this.  I hope you choose to be the good this world needs.

I don't know what I will say to you tomorrow when you fill my classroom.  I can imagine the looks.  I can predict the tone.

I do know I will do two things for you, always: I will give you a safe space.  I will listen.

Love,
Mrs. Smith

The Importance of the Teacher Narrative

I want to capture the true teacher narrative.  My end goal is to have a series of stories that depict what it is truly like to be a teacher.  I will tell the stories of the celebrations, the complications, and the confusions that I face every day.  And how I wake up to do it all over again because I love the students.  

Often times, the public has a misconception of that the teacher's life is really like.  They see having summers off, school ending at 3:10pm, and playing with kids all day.  They have no concept of what really goes on behind the scenes.  Teachers are often not seen as professionals.

The writings will be a series of vignettes, small snippets and insights into the world of teaching.  Some will be about students.  Some will be about lesson planning.  Some will be about the external pressures from outside my classroom walls.  All will provide an honest perspective of the challenging and rewarding career I look forward to everyday.